Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.
How To Stop Obsessing Over An Ex: A Five-Step Solution
- Step 1: Get Rid of the Reminders. ...
- Step 2: Write a List of All of the Reasons You Broke Up. ...
- Step 3: Delete All of Their Contact Information. ...
- Step 4: Accept You Aren't Going to Forget Them. ...
- Step 5: Seek Professional Help.
Unless your ex is truly dealing with mental problems or genuine/clinical character flaws, that is not the case. It is most likely that your ex still cares about you and thinks about you during no contact. That does notmean you should reach out to them.
Make a mental note of when the urge is most intense. Then anticipate in advance when you are likely to have the urge and do your best to change your activity, or to delay or resist it. And when you are obsessing and feeling the urge to engage in your compulsive behavior, write down your thoughts—exactly as they are.
Thinking about an ex is normal, and it doesn't mean you need to break up with the person you're dating. “It is natural for an emotion to bring up other experiences with similar emotions," she said. "The feelings might match, and in fact, we might realize that our first relationship led to this relationship."
According to our own internal research 75% of our personal coaching clients hear from an ex at some point during the no contact rule.
Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 30 days you may find yourself feeling much better. While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different.
The reason why no contact is hard is because human beings are wired to connect to others. Our relationship with others is our primary way of staying safe. Bonding and connecting with loved ones makes you feel safe. We have this wired into us and its part of us at birth.
No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media. It can feel like an extreme move when you're still working to get over a breakup, but the truth is that cutting off contact with an ex is the fastest, most effective way to truly move on.
Another study stated that women have higher emotional expressivity, especially when it comes to negative emotions. Simply put, the female mind during no-contact rule is more likely to struggle with negative feelings. Your ex will be a mess for a while.
Some people may be asking, “Does No Contact work?”. While everyone's ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.
Analyzing Their Words. Make note of times they've said "I miss you." Sometimes, your ex might say things that will directly indicate that they still care. If they are telling you that they miss you or miss being around you, this is a clear sign that they still have feelings for you. Notice if they bring up old memories ...
Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself," she said.
Not reaching out to them, as you should do while following the No Contact Rule, means you don't initiate contact with your ex. Ignoring them means that you don't respond when your ex attempts to initiate contact. Don't ignore your ex if they contact you during no contact if you want them back.
While no two breakups are exactly alike, the experts agree that in almost every scenario you're better off just letting the contact info go. “If you know that your ex is the wrong person for you due to [irreconcilable] differences, and you know that dating this person was unhealthy, you have to delete their number.