The value and time and space can only be effective in getting your avoidant ex to miss you if they are given enough time. At this point, you may be wondering: will an avoidant miss you? The thing is, when you're patient enough to give them a lot of time and space, they will initially get back to their everyday life.
Avoidants will use many justifications (to themselves as well as others) to avoid exposing these basic truths. They have fewer break-up regrets and feel relieved at leaving their partner, but will then seek out someone the same.
Remember that both avoidant and anxious people can be included in the no-contact rule. It works no matter the attachment style. There is nothing that proves otherwise.
18 Ways to Increase Intimacy and Communication with an Avoidant Partner
- 1) Dont chase. ...
- 2) Dont take it personally. ...
- 3) Ask for what you want rather than complaining about what you dont want. ...
- 4) Reinforce positive actions. ...
- 5) Offer understanding. ...
- 6) Be reliable and dependable. ...
- 7) Respect your differences.
"People who are emotional avoidant tend to cut things off and move on quickly," explains Dr. Walsh. "They take no time to process and prefer not to keep in touch." These people appear to bounce back from breakups quickly and move on with little regard for what once was.
At this point, you may be wondering: will an avoidant miss you? The thing is, when you're patient enough to give them a lot of time and space, they will initially get back to their everyday life. They will neither miss you nor demand time or attention from you.
People with dismissive avoidant attachment styles will often initiate breakups when they feel like they're getting too close to being emotionally vulnerable. They expect the worst, i.e. someone hurting them or leaving them, and they preemptively save themselves from that outcome.
Avoidant-attachment style personalities aren't emotionally mature enough to tell their partner the truth about how they feel, so they disappear when they become threatened with feeling vulnerable or close to someone.
If your boyfriend ignores you or gives you the silent treatment and has an avoidant or anxious-avoidant attachment style, he's likely pulling away because he feels himself getting closer to you and is afraid of that commitment. Think about this; before he started ignoring you, was the relationship progressing quickly?
The guilt factor can be big on the avoidant side. It's often connected with people pleasing, avoiding conflict, and/or over-empathizing with his abandonment. Many people embedded in insecure attachment (at either extreme) struggle with balancing the needs of self and other.
The problem is, love bombing may overwhelm a partner and push them away, leading to a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, someone with a more avoidant attachment style may love bomb to feel in control over the level of intimacy.
Love Avoidants often are attracted to Love Addicts — people who are fixated with love. One characteristic of both attachment styles is the fear of authenticity and vulnerability within a relationship.
Accept that your partner's needs for affection and connection differ from your own. Avoidant individuals are typically uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness. An understanding that their withdrawal doesn't mean a lack of love can improve communication and increase closeness between you and your partner.
Avoidant individuals are known for hiding behind a wall of intimacy, which is why they act stoic and devoid of emotion. They think that if you take a peek into their lives, you'll crush them in the end. If an avoidant loves you, he'll let a layer or two drops so that you can get a glimpse of his true self.
People with an avoidant attachment style usually are not capable of changing on their own. Some manage to change after years of talk therapy and/or cognitive-behavioral therapy. But most with this attachment style don't even know that they are acting out of fear.
Avoidants don't necessarily lack empathy, though their behavior sometimes makes it seem like they do. In their childhood, they may have experienced neglect or abuse, which results in a fear of letting themselves be vulnerable, as vulnerability often resulted in negative repercussions.
Many men don't know how to manage their feelings. Many men pull away because they are afraid of getting hurt, afraid of coming on too strong, and afraid of commitment. When men pull away, many of them come back. A mature man doesn't pull away from a woman he likes for very long.
Vulnerability is one of the biggest triggers for a dismissive-avoidant due to childhood wounds. Dismissive-avoidants value independence. Any need to rely on someone else triggers a sense of weakness. Fear of being trapped and controlled by someone else.
Fearful of becoming too attached or vulnerable, a love avoidant may balk at the thought of commitment, leading them to run when they start getting too close to another person.
If you are an anxious or avoidant style or the combination of anxious-avoidant, it is possible to move towards a secure attachment style. It takes self-awareness, patience and a strong desire to get close to being secure but it can be done.
Because of an Anxious person's fear that they will be abandoned and the Avoidant person's fear of closeness, a self-perpetuating cycle begins as these opposite types begin to trigger and re-trigger each other's core wounds.